Phil - world poetry day dementia poems 2018

Three poems about dementia for World Poetry Day

Three people affected by dementia wrote about their experiences with dementia for World Poetry Day. Read their dementia poems and more.

Writing a poem about how you or a loved one has been affected by dementia can offer relief for both writer and reader. It can also provide a powerful insight into what dementia means for those living with it every day.

For World Poetry Day, we had three poems from people affected by dementia, which we're featuring here. Despite their experiences being very different, each poet chose to share their work in the hope it might help others in a similar situation.

A big thank you to our three writers.

A Poem About My Wife

Phil’s wife, Beverly (pictured above with Phil) was diagnosed with mixed dementia in 2013 and was placed in residential care two years later. Cared for brilliantly, she remains happy and contented. Phil's poem is a powerful account of how dementia has changed both their lives.

A Poem About My Wife, by Phil Sharman

Where have you gone?

Why did you leave?

You could not tell me
 

I watched you leaving

In your mind always with me

In my mind you slipping away 

Little things

Forgotten skills

Confusing words  
 

Once you dressed yourself

Used a knife and a fork

Then dignity slipped away  
 

Once we slept together

Then you slept by day

And I worried by night  
 

You Walked into town alone

Enjoying your independence

But friends found you and returned you
 

We planned to tour the world

Each able to play our part

Now those dreams are gone  

Others your family now
 

Many share your condition

Some care for you as I wish I could  

When I visit Your face lights up

But words do not come  
 

Your eyes ask how I am

Your touch compassionate

Your lips still passionate  
 

We sit together

Words from me

Smiles from you  

Cruel dementia

Stealing your memories

But leaving mine

---

When My Grandad Had Dementia

Aged 13 years, Katelan wanted to express how she felt after her Grandad, Robin Sayers, died of Alzheimer’s disease. And so she decided to write a poem about her feelings. Here we share her brilliant work.

Dementia poems: Katelan, at the front left, with her mum, dad and two sisters, Kira and Madison.

Katelan, at the front left, with her mum, dad and two sisters, Kira and Madison.

When My Grandad Had Dementia, by Katelan Carter

It was a hard time in our lives,

When my Grandad had dementia.

He found things hard and would suffer,

So my Nan was like a carer.  
 

He used to mix me and my sister up,

When my Grandad had dementia.

Bonnie was his favourite pup,

And she used to nap with him on the sofa.  
 

His step were slow, stiff and heavy,

When my Grandad had dementia.

But then one night we got a call,

About his terrible fall.  
 

Mum went to see him hospital,

When my Grandad had dementia.

I tried to see the light of the tunnel,

Playing on the swings at the park.  
 

One day at school snow started to fall,

When my Grandad had dementia.

In my heart I knew it was a sign.

I wondered whether everything was fine.  
 

After school I got told the news,

And instantly my heart broke and bruised.

He wasn’t coming home.

Instead heaven he went.
 

When my Grandad died with dementia.

---

Our dementia advisers are here for you.

I Talked to a Lady

Tanya is the full-time carer for her mother who is living with dementia.

In this moving poem, she describes some of the challenges - and joys - of talking to her mother.

Dementia poems: Tanya, who cares for her mother who has dementia.

Tanya, who cares for her mother who has dementia.

I Talked to a Lady, by Tanya Howden

I talked to a lady yesterday

She didn’t know my name

She was amazed to hear about my past

and the places I had been

Her daughter’s life so similar

filled her with awe and fear

She looked at me bewildered

could this really be real?
 

We talked about her family

We talked about her past

We talked about the folk she’d known

Their walk their talk their cheer

The ones who floated through her world

And those who stopped to share

We talked about the future

her hopes her dreams her fears

We talked about her sorrows

All the sadness life threw in

We talked about her children –

(Some things I shouldn’t hear!)

We giggled and cried and laughed

at a life so rich so full

And in a moment shared

sat in silence with our thoughts …

And I whispered “Goodnight Mother”

as her eyes succumbed to dreams
 

I talked to a lady today

She didn’t know my name

She was amazed to hear about my past

and the places I had been

Her daughter’s life so similar

filled her with awe and fear

She looked at me bewildered

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33 comments

The tsunami of Dementia As she sits in her chair like a warm sunny land Velvet blue waters and soft golden sand, She laughs and she smiles in her memories she sways, As I hope and I pray the beast stays away. Her calmness is still like the calmest blue sea It warms me inside, as she smiles at me. Memories flood back of the wife I once knew, Her laughter like a song bird around me flew. All of a sudden a shallow small rumble, Her face slightly changes, her mood slightly grumbles, I tense and I squirm as the waves become angry And the rumbles grow more tense beneath me. Like an earthquake her mood growls and it groans. It shakes the whole earth she screams “ I want to go home!” But I want to go back to how life use to be, When the disease did not show it’s anger at me. And just as the waves seem to calm once more, And the grumbling earthquake has now shut it’s door, I stand on the shore, and look out to sea, I see in the distance a wave so much taller than me. The wave rises up, as her mood edges in, Her words cut me deep like a sharp jagged tin, Her mood raises higher...a tsunami to the shore, She swallows me whole like never before. And where before was that sunny warm sand, Her tsunami of anger destroys the calm land, Everything is broken along her uncontrollable path, And I long once again for her infectious laugh. I feel like I’m drowning, I cough and I splutter, Then all of a sudden her soft words mutter, Her mood edges out from the tsunami battered shore, I lay...not bruised...but broken and mentally sore. She sits in her chair, my beautiful queen, Looks in my face and says “my dear...where have you been?” Her calmness is warm again, like that warm sunny land, With its velvet blue waters...... And soft golden sand Written by my sister Jane about our mum and dad .
Dive for your Memory. I look on aghast as you dive for your memory Delve deep for words once within your vocabulary The struggle etches lines into your beautiful face Bewilderment reigns, of your smile there's no trace. I never once dreamt you'd be stuck for a word Your bright conversation the very song of a bird Now muted, replaced with both puzzle and pain Not a hint of response to the sound of your name. Selfishly, you've come out of it best in a sense I say this with sadness but truly in your defence There's grief for my loss although you're still alive Without self awareness, without purpose or drive. I talk to you constantly, you simply stare at your feet While friends and neighbours ask for you in the street They don't see my tears, my apathetic solemnity See me weep as I watch you dive for your memory.

OK I'm sorry but I just feel this needs to be said.
PLEASE stop with guilt about putting a loved one in care homes, My husband went in 21st Feb and I've beaten myself up so many times if I'm doing right by him, It took me while to understand that I was not abandoning my husband after 41 yrs of marriage, but giving him new lease of life by getting him the care he so desperately needed, and he was so happy there I felt like shouting why did I feel all this guilt when I didn't need to, I keep saying this we are not trained in dementia or know how to support them 100% so way I look at it now, is I did as much as I could for him, now it's time to hand over to professionals who are trained to deal with this illness,
Look at it this way if any of your loved ones got a serious illness lump , broken bone, sever headaches, you can treat them for a while at home but if symptoms got worse, what would your first reply to them be.
It would be go to hospital and you would make sure they did without feeling guilty.
Then why should any of us feel guilty because our loved one needs treatment or expert care because he has this horried illness dementia alzhiemers, someone explain to me the difference as to why you would not seek professional help , I would rather my husband got expert help than me going through what I have last 4 yrs getting to point of resenting him, now I'm back to being his wife and you could to get back to being wife, daughter, son, husband ect stop with guilt please because all it does is make you mentally drained depressed ect if you feel you have done your best hand over to people trained to deal with it. You deserve a life also remember that xx

Thank you I needed to hear this
Your very welcome hun I just wrote how I felt at the time. I just hope it helps people to understand you should never feel guilty about putting yourself first xx
Myself and my mother have recently placed my father. We took care of him for as long as we could. Such a very hard decision which we cry over daily but it is what was needed. My mother is elderly and his care got more than she could handle safely at home. It was time. Hardest decision ever and we still break down daily. We visit frequently we love him dearly

These words straight from the heart came to my mind one evening after visiting my sister in her care home, she suffered with severe dementia it was so upsetting...

Alzheimer’s-A sisters lost mind

We’re old, she’s oldest, I look up to her I’ve always been an admirer, why not..she’s my sister
I love her dearly and all hers, as mine...why not, they’re my family, they belong, I belong.
Families..It’s difficult, it always has been, for a long time, forever..since I remember..that’s life, that’s families, it’s hard to deal with, it will be..feelings are fragile, there’s more than me..I’m not alone..

She’s important, she’s not alone..that’s the thing to remember!

"The Forgotten Journey"
I look in the mirror and who do I see:
The vision of a man who is (an) unknown to me.

The snapshots of life once stored in my head
Have fallen to the wayside...unable to stop, unable to find, unable to rewind.
Is this what it means to be dead?

Where am I? Who am I? How did I get here?
Who and where are the people that my heart has always held so dear?

The forgotten journey of the past has become an insurmountable maze.
So difficult, so vast, so lost are the days.

The forgotten journey is far from over as I have been told.
This forgotten journey of becoming old...
*SMG June 12, 2020*

My darling wife was diagnosed with alzheimers in 2013 i looked and cared for her for 7 long years trying to keep the promise that i would never put her in a care home.at christmas 2019 it became so bad the paranoia the accusations the violence she isnt a physicle woman but i used to let her hit me i knew she could not hurt me to bad.but its the mental side of it that gets you.you lose your own self respect you become an object of someone who is afraid to ask for help because you think thats weak.and its not what you promised.i miss my wife my best freind so much .and i feel that i am such a coward i now want to die before her so i dont have to greive her passing.

I read your message left here and I understand your pain.
I have also lost someone very close to me , although in spirit ... understanding it is the illness and not your true loved one , seeing changes , the pain, frustration is cruel .... I have the added understanding of nursing in Care , it's hard place to be , you need to accept help , we all have a level of emotions . Sometimes we have to act for everyone's safety and well-being. Having the right type person and support at home may relief some pressure and bring comfort . Don't feel at your Witt's end ... Try to feel empowered by the support offered to you . Look at it as a positive step for all . You are NOT giving up your duties as a husband but taking steps in supporting your wife together at the time most and both needed in your lives.

Recognising and accepting help is a strength , Not a weakness...

Never struggle alone " remember More is stronger " ... All the best .
Be mindful you do everything in your Wife's Best interest ...and that's what we call " Quality of Care , the best for your wife and hopefully grieving for loss will become easier ...

Take a walk with me...
Take a walk with me down memory lane
Memories will never be the same
Tainted by a cruel disease
Blown away like a summers breeze
As people fade like old photographs
We begin to walk down a different path
My world no longer makes sense in your head
So I try to understand yours instead
The fairies in the garden the stones that scraped her knee
Your looking for a little girl that little girl was me
Your rushing back to look after the kids at home
We are looking after you now us kids are fully grown
On and off the buses in and out of town
Pacing up and down the room you no longer just sit down
Forever searching for loved ones no longer here
How long has it been? How many years?
Sometimes you remember you are back just like before
But then the vacant look creeps in you are gone again once more
Dementia will not be the one that takes your life away
But because of it the man I knew is slipping every day
Dementia takes away your mind your sense of reality and time
Dementia takes your memories but in promise you it wont take mine
Dementia takes but it also gives and I'm not sure what is worse
I cant imagine what it's like living with this curse
Dementia gives you fear and makes you feel alone
You dont know who or where you are with your family in your own home
Take a walk with me down memory lane
Before dementia takes my name
One day you wont know my face tell me what do I do?
The day dementia comes and takes me away from you
You were here with me yesterday
Tomorrow isnt promised but we still have today

Hi Abbie,
Your poem is beautiful my daughter would love to recite your poem at a school competition she has been selected for next month. Your poem is very close to our heart as my grandfather had suffered from dementia.
Is it possible if you could give us your full name so we can read it out to give credit to such an emotional poem? Could you please reply to me on the following email account of your happy to do so:[email protected].
Kind Regards
Julia

My life has been filled with many things
but my heart is filled with you
We all must face the good and the bad, as we age
and travel our path trusting God
(You taught me that by example)
Just as I thought any joy was behind me
at a time that I felt my love was retired
a new door opened and the Lord turned the page
a knock on my door presented me
with a love like no other…and that love was you
the soul that you shared renewed
my relationship with God
and I found a dream come true
in the life I’ve shared with you
You have humbled my life aspirations
thinking that a spotlight and fame
was the only thing that would fulfill one’s life
But the person that I found in you set a higher bar
That demonstrated strength, spirituality,
love, commitment, determination, and
A heart that shares and selflessly contributes
To those that you love and those that need your love
and those that require your care and assistance
Whenever it is needed….That is success and that is YOU

She comes down stairs
and asks me if today is Sunday
I assure her that it will be here soon
It makes sense… for that is the day that she is dressed for
as It stands out as one of her favorite days of the week
A day that takes her closer to our Lord
as she has always looked to HIM and prayed
in the quest to nurture and humble her soul
so many of us have gotten lost in the journey
But somehow she has remained steadfast in her commitment
And trusted HIS will
and graciously abides by her calling and has always been well served
by God’s blessings…Her love for HIM has re-ignited my soul
As I have been inspired by her devout faith
to serve in a mutual love that celebrates what
Christ has sacrificed for all of us
Just because it is only Wednesday does not mean
in her mind, it could be Sunday once again
A day she that she feels comfort and security in her praise
for OUR FATHER
And if indeed that Christian spirit, that has illuminated her heart
and made that organ the center of her unrelenting beauty
Then so be it….
Yes Betty, today is Sunday

TWO SHOES OF A DIFFERENT COLOR

Two shoes appear as a pair outside her door
Serving to dress her feet but each a different color

Does it really matter?

Each foot, ‘so’ unique as is the soul that guides their path
Yes they will fulfill the purpose and will protect and warm her feet
The mere fact that the two shoes don’t match are only a mere oversight of the clothier…and have little to do with the function

Life can be like that in that the inner and outer perceptions are not always the same

A culture so captivated by habit

Can’t understand that the right and left can be two different colors
But can traverse and share the same road

My subject matter is ambiguous by design and inspired
by what I witnessed when I awoke this morning

To a pair of my partner’s shoes by the door
Two shoes of a different color

Yes…her mind chooses to wear them…yet dismiss their differences
And accept their function over their color
to move forward in her wonderful life
with all the people around her
that will carry her above their shoulders
love her and know that she will be alright
and be so blessed by the Lord

Absolutely beautiful words & no, it does not matter that the shoes are of different colours.

THE UNINVITED GUEST
Who are YOU?
This uninvited guest that has come in to our lives
And what are you doing to my WIFE?
You have managed to slowly infiltrate her routine
Somehow you have scrambled what she has come to know as normal practice, to make her question or forget many things she has relied on every day to get herself through life, based on established experience and instinct to survive
All of those things that she took for granted, to put together an outfit to wear, to choose a matching pair of shoes with a pair of socks of the same color, to have an unshaken knowledge of what day it is, to understand the current month and year.
The “expected” to what is all around her becomes the “unfamiliar” to those in witness…
This UNINVITED GUEST has forced me to go back to school and learn about something that I previously had no intention to ever understand in detail but now I have accepted and welcome all the available resources to be the educated guide to assist and support the transition and be ready to help my wife at all turns.
So many times we have welcomed an invited house guest and so like a gracious host we entertain this catalyst that causes a temporary momentary modification to the compound / environment, that we are aware that in time when the guest exits, normalcy will again return.
Unfortunately this UNINVITED GUEST has caused a permanent and irreversible alteration that results in an onslaught of broken hearts and coping with this intrusion inspires us to turn to the WILL OF GOD to realize and find peace and accept that this guest is not leaving.

I was looking for a poem to give to carers who attend a café I run in my church for those with dementia. I came across these poems, written from deep within the heart; loss, sorrow, yearning. Yet what I also see is true love, service, and real humanity. Carers are wonderful people, driven by love and wanting to do the best they possibly can. Thank you.

Beautiful poems

"I talked to a lady "
This so describes the way it was with my mom. She's gone now, but she's still here, in my heart. I cannot hold her in my arms anymore, and I can't talk to her. Oh how I wish I could have one more time day with her. Just one. But one would never be enough.

After The Visit
Guilt in heart, guilt in mind.
Thoughts that scar I've left you behind.
An hour of time of ups and downs,
Still there the familiar frowns.
You talk to me of old and new,
I listen but I haven't a clue.
I fear the day when you don't know me,
Through your eye's it's a stranger you see.
Heart full of pride for what you have done,
You've made me the man I've become.
Time so precious now for Me Jill and Mum,
Please don't forget me Dad I Love You,
Son.
To my Dad with dementia whatever tomorrow brings your still my Dad.